Seeing Through a Stone, Remembering Promises of Other Sorts

[once_human]

[ One of the first 'gifts' that Dammon brought back with him on a return from Avernus, unexpected but immediately and often put to use: a seeing stone. Once they had things like times of day figured out, it was easy to time conversations. But it was such a small but perfect addition, something very much needed to continue Gortash's work here: a reminder that he was going home, and more importantly, that he was not just going back to Baldur's Gate to mourn over a grave.

Once the weight of that started to feel lighter, the conversation came easier. Even as he was coming to know Kael for who he was and was becoming, leaving the door open to speak frankly of what they were before when blanks need to be filled, he was also beginning to learn himself again. Parts of him that were not so readily allowed to flourish anymore once goals changed.

It makes simple conversation easier, more commonplace, that in itself a promise. And the more they did that the more he looked forward to it that break in the day's labors when he would be waiting for that familiar face to appear and to just make smalltalk if that was all they felt like doing.

He's taking off a pair of simple leather work gloves when it begins. No gauntlets. No finery. That's become a rather common occurrence. It's also been gradual, but his hair is definitely getting longer -- he has to tie it back now to keep it out of the way when he works. ]

You first this time. How go the rebuilding efforts?

Comments

[unspooling]

[ Moonlight is what illuminates Kael as he leans in closer to the seeing stone, quiet for a moment even after Enver has stopped speaking to just look.

He's been told a few times now by his friends that staring at people without blinking makes them nervous, and so he tries not to cast his gaze so intensely on the other man for too long. Not that he really has a handle yet on what's too long and what's not long enough. ]

Slow. I thought we might have made more progress by now, but there was a shortage of able and willing workers.

Those who wanted to help the most had ailments they were unable to walk off. Some of the more 'in one piece' workers left the city without a glance back.

But... we do make progress even if it does seem to be painfully static some days.

[once_human]

[ It's a different kind of nervousness, to be sure. Maybe because it's just long enough that it clicks in his head all the ways he looks different. It catches him every time he notices his reflection in something. ]

...I'm not certain I can blame them.

[ Oddly he wishes he could offer something more optimistic, given who he is speaking to. ]

More will come. The Gate has allies in other places, if not citizens with families and other efforts.

[unspooling]

Neither can I.

[ He's taken to really considering his thoughts before letting them loose. Turning them over, tilting them this way and that as if trying to make sure there isn't anything unpleasant in them. It's exhausting but necessary. ]

Blame is unlikely ever to be something I have any right portioning anywhere but my own plate.

[ It could sound desolate if it wasn't for his tone, thoughtful rather than melancholy. ]

Despite that I learned I like working with my hands. ...though I suppose that was true before. The difference is less destruction.

[once_human]

I suppose another [ read: nicer ] person would say that it makes no sense to blame while ignoring one's own fault. But I have definitely never heard anyone say having faults cancels out one's right to see them in others.

[ Of course his way is to find a point to argue. He sits. ]

The best hands are capable of both.

[ Left unsaid, but it makes him blush: And yours always were. ]

[unspooling]

[ He considers the point for a while, quiet as he challenges himself with it. Any hint of a blush he may have caught is buried under the weight of his own internal struggle. ]

The consequences of my actions are difficult to see around.

Thinking about somebody else's shortcomings seems like a waste of time when I have plenty of my own to address.

[once_human]

[ He's being patient; he's trying to be patient. ]

Kael. You wish to make up for what you have done. You didn't knock down buildings. So in making yourself part of the rebuilding efforts, you are on some level agreeing that repayment comes in different forms, yes? More than just directly addressing the things you acted on, at least.

Sometimes that means speaking when something is wrong.

[unspooling]

[ There's a long pause as he thinks on that, wonders how much either of them can trust themselves yet as to if they're truly helping or harming.

Guilt slips into place, Kael's thoughts veering off towards that kind of approach being uncharitable in a way that's born of his own lack of confidence.

A bizarre turn of events for the former scion of Bhaal. Uncertainty. ]

Perhaps a moment I find myself in, requiring that of me, will make it clear if I am able to trust my own judgement.

[once_human]

[ Gortash doesn't really know how to be helpful here. Probably a good sign he wants to be, even if it is just one person. But this isn't his expertise.

But he did do politics for a long time. And yes, he is a dead man in a form of exile because the alternative was arrest or worse. But it's not like he's trying to run a country.

Right? ]

Is there someone there, taking part in the same things, that you trust to tell privately? They might give you a better idea if you are in the wrong. Explain why you have said nothing. They could encourage you to make your grievances known, or they might volunteer to say them on your behalf.

People in government do it all the time. Not everyone is the best...well, face, to put on a given issue. So they have someone who is do the talking.

[unspooling]

[ He could spend the rest of their time together continually punching himself in the guts. Instead he looks at the suggestion with a renewed sense of fondness for Enver. He doesn't remember all too much of what they did together. But he remembers enough that it had provided a solid basis for everything that had happened with Raphael. With the plan thereafter.

So the suggestion is one that does help. Enough of an idea for him to take away and consider it alone. ]

Are you saying my face is unsuitable for politics?

[ He's trying to suppress the smirk that wants to tug at his cheeks, the small joke an attempt to lighten his own mood. ]

[once_human]

I am saying that it is if you feel it is not your place to step into that arena.

[ A very diplomatic answer, but the smile he returns is equally appreciative. ]

Besides, haven't we both spent enough time in charge? Let someone else take the lead on that front.

[ It's far less for himself. He is going along with this idea because it is what will get targets off his back: Enver Gortash is not running anything anymore, much less a city-state. Maybe if he says it enough he won't feel fundamentally uncomfortable with it. ]

[unspooling]

[ When he thinks about being in charge, his mind leaps to the most recent version of it rather than what came before it. And then unbidden a whisper of what must be a memory. The recollection of how he had been struggling with the will of Bhaal vs the idea of being in charge with Enver.

But the more he thinks about it, the more it slips from him being able to properly remember it. This happens at times and he's not yet sure if it's for the best or not. ]

In ways that matter on a grand scale? Yes.

[once_human]

Exactly.

[ That subject seemingly well-addressed, he reaches for something easy to talk about. Maybe a little less of what he is doing here. Beyond the technical parts, he's less certain he's doing the rest correctly.

But, he realizes with a sigh, there are positives. In spite of where he is. ]

...I can admit there is some benefit to not having as much on my plate anymore.

[ Which would be laughable to an onlooker because he is never not working and he's sleeping less. ]

[unspooling]

Tell me of it.

[ This is the largest part of why he looks forward to this scheduled talking time. Updates from Enver in ways that feel like they're progress in so many ways, but also just the opportunity to listen to the man talk.

He sees Dammon every so often, but aside from that, his contact with the current residences of the House of Hope is limited to the conversations he and Enver have. ]

[once_human]

[ He's a little surprised at the invitation, but he blushes a lock of hair out of his face that's gotten free from its binding. ]

...I'm making progress with adjustments to Karlach's engine. I'm having to relearn a good deal to start with, but it's moving forward at least. ...It's also been something of a release to not have three or four other major projects demanding my attention alongside that.

[unspooling]

[ His gaze follows the hand and then the lock of hair, but eventually his focus returns. He cannot remember ever having seen that before, but he likes something about it.

He doesn't bother to ask how Karlach is because Enver won't have the answer he's really asking. ]

Having less to do does feel unnatural.

[ The 'not the end of the world, though' quip dies in his throat, any sparkle of dark humour doused before it escapes his throat. It doesn't feel like atonement, thinking of jokes like that. ]

[once_human]

[ By now he has mentioned that he didn't see much of the inside of a workshop once he was encouraged to go into politics. Their alliance and the Absolute Plot created very singular excuses to do several things that otherwise would have been considered 'beneath' the work he was called to do. ]

I did not miss this place, and I will not once I have left it again. But I did miss this.

[unspooling]

Have you thought about what you want when you return here?

[once_human]

[ Besides you? Enver is as ever the master of not saying the more suggestive things that come to mind and moving past, but there's enough in his expression to show he was somewhere he shouldn't be for a moment. ]

I've been very focused on my work, if I'm being honest. But without this project in front of me, I can see there's much I need to relearn or pursue further. [ And he's several years behind, after all. ]

[unspooling]

[ If he notices a moment of a vaguely inappropriate expression, he doesn't tug on that thread. ]

That... is a broad and vague statement.

Any thoughts on what the finer strokes might be or are you keeping your options open for now?

[ Not said: that sounds like a politician's answer. ]

[once_human]

[ He has been a politician for so long that is not going to leave him quickly. ]

I think a healthy amount of the latter might be necessary. I don't see myself hiring out to a smith or anything but perhaps working on commission if things are comfortable enough. Keep my studies going but leaving room for...well, more.

[unspooling]

Comfortable enough?

[once_human]

[ blink ] I suppose I'll be paying for a place to live. Expenses and such. Comfortable would mean being well off enough that my day isn't filled with what it costs to just survive.

[ Oh he does not miss that part at all. ]

[unspooling]

[ It's a moment that may remind the both of them just how much was taken from Kael with his forced lobotomy. He doesn't have any frame of reference for what comfortable is. Perhaps he never has. ]

Food. Water. Wine.

We shared a lot of it when I made camp with my companions.

[once_human]

Sounds ideal in its own way.

[ When ignoring there was always something dire to be worked toward. And considering how quickly he had to make his exit, he doubts any gold apportioned under his name hasn't been seized, and the status of any accounts under any other names (always be prepared for emergencies) may not exist anymore either. Better to just assume he is starting from nothing. ]

Too significant a portion of my life has been shaped by debts. I have little desire to go back to that.

[unspooling]

[ He started with nothing coming off the Nautiloid save for the clothes on his own back. Whatever gold he had in those early days was looted, either in coin or by way of items to trade.

It had been easier then to justify the dead not needing gold anymore. Now he feels as though his conscience has leapt way ahead of allowing him to loot the dead. At least not from bodies that haven't proven themselves his enemy. ]

I believe I understand the concept.

Did I seem to require comfort before?

[once_human]

I imagine you were accommodated rather well.

[ Kael you have always been built like a brick house and that has to be maintained; he doesn't care what magic is at work. ]

...If I had to guess, a touch austere when it came to some luxuries, given how you reacted when I had a gift commissioned for you. But then you also hated how small my bed was.

[unspooling]

I took issue with your bed?

[ It's strange enough for him to laugh, slightly confused. Given the fact he's been sleeping on a bedroll more often than not, it seems bizarre he'd have found an actual bed unsuitable. ]

How small was it?

[once_human]

[ That gets a bit of a smile from him, too. ] Large enough for one man of more average height to sleep in and not much else. Before you, if I was doing anything else it was in someone else's space, not mine.

[unspooling]

[ Logistics. Now he understands. ]

Ah. Yes I do take up quite an expansive level of real estate in any given position.

[once_human]

You didn't spend the night often. But my living space has always been very...economical.

[ Easier to tuck away and fortify. Less to lose. ]

Given where I was going in life you found that rather unusual, I suppose.

[unspooling]

[ Another strange thought as he contemplates the likely reason he didn't stay often. It feels so strange now that he's quiet for a moment. ]

I find a lot of things unusual now. Different things to then.

[once_human]

Tell me.

[ Not just to find obvious blanks he can try to help fill in, memories lost, but they are both navigating being separated from divine forces. Their bonds with those took very different forms, so too are the empty spaces those left behind. ]